Direktlänk till inlägg 21 september 2008
So.. yesterday the "healty" part of me got its voice heard and I decided to listen. Bad idea.. bad!
It said; "oh, come on, you don't have an eatingdisorder, it's all in your head. prove Ana wrong now, let's have pizza!".
Easily fooled me saying; "I don't? Maybe I don't... maybe you're right! But She doesn't want to. She doesn't. I can't. I don't want to". This is followed by voices in my head having an argument.
Stupid, stupid "healty" part won the discussion of course.
40 minutes later.. Me diving head first in the toilet.
you think I might have learned from this. Nope.. same thing happened today. I've got to stop listening..
I defied Ana today, partly. She wanted me to throw up, and I did. Of course.. But not everything. I threw upp half of it and then I stopped. She told me to put my fingers back down my throat and keep them there until She said I could stop, until She ...
You know those meals that are so colourful and fresh and healthy but still sooo good you just wanna have them again and again and again.. I had a dream tonight, in which I found a recipe of one of those meals online. And this recipe was to good to b...
Because the mirror hurts worse than starving...
We've been fighting for a while now, me and Ana. I've been failing alot. Failing makes her angry, which in turn makes me depressed, leading to me failing again. It is time now, for me to take my responsibility. It is time now, for us to m...
"The first feeling was that of terrible constriction. With the sudden act of walking, her infinite dimensions were all at once reduced to a single point. She was compressed back down to the margins of her body, tangled up within its lumpen weight. A ...
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