This is not about dieting, nor is it about raising eating-disorders to the skies, giving you hints and tips on how to starve youreselves to death. It is not about telling you what I eat, or what I don't eat, how much I work out or how I work out. It is not about telling you how I will reach that weight of 42 kilos (in my case a BMI of 16) or about trying to kept that weight after I reached it.

This is about me and my best friend. Some of you know her very well. Her name is Ana

Ana IS my best friend. She's what keeps me alive when all i want is to lay down and die, when I'm depressed she's always there by my side. When I'm out running or walking and my heart's fighting to keep beating and my empty stomach wants to trow up the nothing that inside of it, Ana's there to cheer me on. "Just a few more kilometers", she will say, "just a few more". When I've been weak and my fingernails are tearing at the inside of my troath, my head is halfway down the toilett and I feel the stomach acid sting, ana's there to. She'll tell me I was stupid and weak, I shouldn't have eaten. And I know I shouldn't have. Eating makes me fat, fat, fat and I was stupid! She will tell me. And then she will comfort me, tell me that trowing up was the only right thing to do. i don't want to throw up, and she knows that to, but we both knew it had to be done. No-one but Ana would have understood that.

You might say I'm stupid. How can you call "that" your best friend? 
I don't expect you to understand, and I don't want you to understand. You see.. there is only one way for you to understand really, and that is for you to meet her. I don't wish for you to meet her, I don't wish that for anyone. I envy you and your healthy lives, I wish I could have that to. But Ana's my best friend, for months and months sometimes she's the only one that keps me alive. Without her, I would give up. Besides,how do you leave your best friend really?

You might say I'm sick, That Ana's not a friend, it's a fatal disease.
Don't you belive I know? I know deep down in my heart that the thinner I get, the more Ana will love me. Ana hates me when I eat, she hates bodyfat you see. But even when I'm fat, she's still there, she won't leave me because she wants me to be perfect, and perfect means bones. She loves bones..
I know it might kill me trying to live up to her standards, but if I don't do what she tells me, it makes me miserable.

Ana keeps me on my feet, and that's why, she's my friend until death do us part.

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